It’s a question you’ve probably asked yourself before, and in all likelihood you probably didn’t get a satisfactory answer to it…
Most often the ‘why me’ question comes a-flying-out-of-ya-mouth when you’re in a life impact moment… but the reality I’ve found is that there are only two possible answers. The first you’re not going to like and will send most people off looking for someone else to blame for the situation. The second quite simply puts you into a loop thought that brings you back to the ‘why me’ question.
1. Why Me? Because your actions created the current reality. This is a simple and immutable natural law, that is as relevant in physics as it is in life. “For every action, there is a reaction”.
2. Why Me? Just because… and that’s it.
Yes, in many situations there may be someone else who is at fault or to blame for the life impact moment you are in. For example you are hurt in a vehicle accident because another driver was txting or worse, drunk, while driving. But, even though someone else was at fault, it still doesn’t satisfy the question does it?
On the other hand if you were the driver that caused the accident then its as a direct result of your actions. If you were txting you weren’t concentrating on the road, or if you were drunk… well! Yet in this situation, you’re probably blaming your momma for sending you a txt while you were driving or Jim Beam for just tasting so dam good.
Getting a Resolution
The reason that I think “why me” is the dumbest question ever is simply because [personally] I’ve never got to a resolution of any kind from asking it. After all, isn’t that what you are really looking for when you ask it? What I’ve found is that by accepting the fact that something has happened to me and by taking ownership of the impact of that event you are able to move beyond it.
Yes I understand that there are some very scary and traumatic events that can happen to us in life and in no way am I saying this is easy… What I am saying is that its necessary.
Now you may be reading this fuming at me, thinking, “yeah well I’ve been abused! (emotionally, physically, sexually)” Honestly, I know what you’re feeling. It may be that the life impact has left you permanently scared or as in my case, with an uncertain future. The thing is that whatever it was that happened to you… happened. Would you agree with that statement? Would you also agree that you can’t un-happen it? So you are left to deal with the situation and once you get through that initial stage of grieving, treatment or coming to terms with the impact… you have to start to move again.
Its just like when you’ve had major surgery or even come out of a coma… dam if those nurses don’t roll you out of the bed and get your feet back on the floor. They don’t seem to care to much about how many tubes and wires are coming out of your body, they need you to move… Because its critical to your recovery that you do. That you might be feeling some pain and discomfort is a secondary consideration. Because if you don’t move your muscles start to atrophy and the longer it takes you to move the more damaged the muscles become and the harder it gets to actually start moving. Then in extreme cases you could become completely immobile because the muscle are completely destroyed.
To get to a resolution you have got to get moving despite the pain you may be feeling. You have to accept what has happened to you, and that there may be no good reason for it. Then you must look at how you can use this to gain the strength to move forward. Yes those first steps might be painful and no, you’ll never forget the memory of the event, but you can learn to use it to grow, gain strength and get back to living a rewarding and even happier life.
The world is full of people who have been through life impact moments and in many cases probably worse than you or I have ever experienced. Who turned around and despite the pain, shame, trauma, scars or handicap used them as a reason to live. If you allow yourself to waste away in the atrophy of “why me” you become a victim to a circumstance and addicted to a drug called sympathy. That is an outcome that is self-inflicted and like an addict your lifestyle will reflect your condition and you may well loose far more than that life impact would ever have cost you.
As a friend once told me, “In life sh!t happens, and that’s a great opportunity to make manure”.